So I'm fat

Having a bit of a "I hate my body" moment so instead of letting it sit I will write about it, get it out in the open and I'll feel better about it as it will help me come up with solutions.

I am currently 76kgs. I am only 155cms or 5'1". I am a size 12-14 depending on the style and company. Size and weight doesn't really bother me as much as how i FEEL. I feel so tired and sick when I don't exercise so why don't I do it? because. but. excuse after excuse. There is no excuse, there is only me. Yes I was teased and bullied about my weight as I grew up. But that is no excuse as to why I let myself get unhappy. I want to do the city to bay run/walk. But I won't get there unless I push myself to do something.

We are due to do a big grocery shop. I am going to change what we get for everyday meals. I am going to remove all unhealthy snack options. I will stop snacking after dinner. It is only done out of habit anyway. I need to start having breakfast in the morning. And a cup of green tea would go down well as well.

I know what to do. I just need to DO IT.

Before, After and After

So here is the next update of me in a bikini. January 2008, January 2009 and February 2010. I think I've become "comfortable" this year but I've also lost a bit in the legs.































I am back at the gym now so we'll see how I look next January :)

Happy year

It has been a happy year so far. No major dramas, no major money troubles, everything is fresh and new and we have plans! Pat and I have joined a gym and we go as often as possible which is making us feel awesome. I need to focus on strengthening my core as I get a lot of lower back pain and so far it is working.

Pat started a new job last year and even though it isn't in the field he wants, it is stable and pays well and he enjoys it. I have changed occupations and left hospitality for Reception. I am currently unemployed although I am with a temp agency and did a 4 week stint at a building company. I am looking for work but I am not too worried about something popping up. It will come along when it does.

We are looking at buying a house in the near future. We would like to build and have been looking at plan prices and land prices. We will be having meetings with banks soonish and finding out where we stand loan wise right now and where to go from here.

Vanessa started school this year. It's been a roller coaster ride for sure but she is starting to settle into the routine of school now. She enjoys it a lot and is excited every morning to go. When she's older I'm sure I'll get the "I'm sick" "I'm too tired" excuses.

I have been a bit slack in the fact that I haven't taken a January 2010 weight photo. So I will do so sometime next week and pop up the last 3 years and how my body has changed. I don't think there will be much change in the last year but I am happier with how I look now than I did then as I am fitter and healthier thanks to the gym.

My Life Laid Out

It will be ok

So after a few months of living pay check to pay check and a lot of the time any change we can find, we are finally seeing the brighter side of the track. We have gone through everything we pay, sorted out what we don't need to pay and setting things in motion to help get us through the tough points. Our tax returns have helped but only to get us non essentials like a new TV etc (out TV's blue screen is BLACK so we need a new one). My hours at work have picked up now the holidays are over which is going to help A LOT!! I now work in one week what I had been working per fortnight if that at all. It has taken a lot of stress off our backs and minds which means happier us. And we now have the opportunity to spend a little on us. Like go see a movie, or go out for tea etc.

We will endeavor to keep our finances in check, even though no matter what we try we always get to a point where we struggle again. But with what we are going to put into place those hard times won't be as frequent or as hard as it used to be.


My Life Laid Out

Oh what a night!!

Yesterday was my 25th birthday. So of course having it land on a Saturday I had a party. It was themed (as I LOVE theme parties) and it was come dressed up as something that begins with the first letter of your name. I dressed up as Jack in the box which of course made room for alot of "box" jokes. Pat was a Pterodactyl which made a few people have to stop and think as it is a silent P. There was a Maid, Journalist, Cab Driver, Stick Figure, Jigsaw... a whole range. Not alot was drunk but it wasn't needed as the atmosphere was great! I hadn't seen alot of people who were there for a fair while so it was great to catch up.

I made a banana slice and choc coconut slice and some biscuits for nibbles, the banana slice being a bit of a hit. And made my own lemon birthday cake as I love lemon cake and I didn't trust Pat to make it good enough. Hehehe.

My muscles are a little sore this morning as I was jumping and bouncing around all night. And I have a huge bruise on the side of my calf due to me slipping off a step outside the kitchen window. The kids were well behaved too which is great. No kiddie mishaps or tantrums.

All in all it was a great night and I can't wait to see the photos everyone took!!

Email Jokes #1

I'd thought I'd post up an email joke I got today. Saves forwarding it to everyone xD


This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be fucked!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room

Easter weekend and other thoughts

After dropping Vanessa off with my mum at Horsham on Thursday night (got home at 2am) Pat and I drove to Port Pirie to see his family for Easter. We always have a good time when we visit there. As much of a boring town it is being able to sit and relax and do nothing for a few days is a luxury we seldom can afford.

Pat has a very close knit family, and being in a close knit town they always have interesting gossip to tell. They are always very laid back and down to earth and full of advice. A few of them are into real estate (buying, renovating, selling, renting etc) and as Pat and I want to be buying our own place hopefully in the next 5 years it's great to get advice from them now. Apparently now is the best time to buy. Unfortunately we can't do that but we're hoping they can help us out advice wise when we are financially ready to go for it.

I love Pat's mum. She is what I would like my own mother to be. As much as she worries for her kids she doesn't force or demand anything from them. She lets them follow what it is they want to do. She gives advice and encouragement where needed and if they don't follow the advice so be it. No guilt trips, no sighing. None of the things that my mother is.

I know it isn't wholly my mums fault that she is who she is. But it is hard for me to see Pat's mum and everything she is and then look at my mum and not be angry at her for not being there emotionally for me. Just wanting me to succeed and accomplish things that SHE wanted of me not what I wanted of me. I understand that she only wanted better for me than she had herself (She always worked in warehouses or supermarkets) but what I need from her isn't what she is capable of giving me unfortunately.

Anyway, the weekend was a great one and we want to have more weekends like it. We are looking into buying some camping gear so when Pat has a weekend off all three of us can go and camp somewhere for one or two nights to get away from everything. I go my parents a camping guide for Victoria for Christmas one year and I want to get one for SA.

NB: I have been three weeks without my antidepressants and have had no major drops, minor ones but nothing considerable. Been handling negative situations well.

I have added to my Positives of Jess List:

- I read to Vanessa nearly every night
- I have nice eyes
- I have a lot of love to give
- It doesn't take me long to learn to play any instrument
- I love to dance
- Try to make sure I get Vanessa's favourite foods when I go shopping
- Make sure Pat has a decent meal every day
- Will go out of my way to help a friend
- Contagious smile
- Tries to see the positive in everyone
- A people person
- Caring
- Love music
- Esoteric passions; tarot, stones/crystals, the afterlife etc
- Movie buff
- Good cook
- Good at my job
- A kid at heart

My Life Laid Out